Worst Date Ever Nutty Cheese Ball
Serves: 2
Clair Leannon
1 January 1970
Based on User reviews:
54
Spice
49
Sweetness
49
Sourness
44
mins
Prep time (avg)
5.2
Difficulty
Ingredients:
1.5 cups
Walnut1 tbsps
Celery (chopped)Directions:
1
You should have known that it wasn't going to go well when he arrived to pick you up for dinner on his Segway
2
As if it wasn't awkward enough having to walk briskly along beside him, craning your neck to make eye contact as he rolled down the sidewalk, there was the added talking point of his jaunty little straw boater
3
What was he thinking? What were you? Now you are starving because he took you to a raw food restaurant and then announced that everything was, "Real expensive, so don't go crazy
4
" You were totally not prepared for him to whip out the calculator to determine, to the penny, what you ate
5
Once safely back in your own apartment—alone!—make yourself a nutty cheese ball because that's exactly what that clown was
6
Mix together cream cheese and pineapple
7
Take a quick peek out the window to make sure he's gone
8
What? Is that him, lurking beneath the lamppost? Oh, great, not only was he a lousy date, but now he wants to stalk you? Why is it always the losers that you can't get rid of? Wonder, "Why can't the really good-looking and successful guys be the stalkers?" as you put walnuts in a ziplock bag and crush them with a hammer, pounding on them like he kept pounding his fist on the table as he ranted endlessly about how nobody listens to him at work
9
Add diced green pepper and celery to the cheese
10
Roll cheese mixture into a ball
11
Try not to think about how he kept adjusting his balls during dinner, saying, "Damn, boys, sit still!" And especially don't think about the several times he actually reached down inside his pants and then with the same hand reached over to your plate to fish a piece of zucchini out of your raw lasagna
12
Roll cheese ball in walnuts and vow not to ever, ever again go out with a man you met at the ninety-nine-cent store
13
You should have known that it wasn't going to go well when he arrived to pick you up for dinner on his Segway
14
As if it wasn't awkward enough having to walk briskly along beside him, craning your neck to make eye contact as he rolled down the sidewalk, there was the added talking point of his jaunty little straw boater
15
What was he thinking? What were you? Now you are starving because he took you to a raw food restaurant and then announced that everything was, "Real expensive, so don't go crazy
16
" You were totally not prepared for him to whip out the calculator to determine, to the penny, what you ate
17
Once safely back in your own apartment—alone!—make yourself a nutty cheese ball because that's exactly what that clown was
18
Mix together cream cheese and pineapple
19
Take a quick peek out the window to make sure he's gone
20
What? Is that him, lurking beneath the lamppost? Oh, great, not only was he a lousy date, but now he wants to stalk you? Why is it always the losers that you can't get rid of? Wonder, "Why can't the really good-looking and successful guys be the stalkers?" as you put walnuts in a ziplock bag and crush them with a hammer, pounding on them like he kept pounding his fist on the table as he ranted endlessly about how nobody listens to him at work
21
Add diced green pepper and celery to the cheese
22
Roll cheese mixture into a ball
23
Try not to think about how he kept adjusting his balls during dinner, saying, "Damn, boys, sit still!" And especially don't think about the several times he actually reached down inside his pants and then with the same hand reached over to your plate to fish a piece of zucchini out of your raw lasagna
24
Roll cheese ball in walnuts and vow not to ever, ever again go out with a man you met at the ninety-nine-cent store